The Flatulence of the Lambs

Yes, that's right, blame lamb farts for the Greenhouse effect. At least according to David Kennedy, chief executive of the Committee on Climate Change. A British government study about the causes of greenhouse gases and their effects discovered that the effort to produce 2.2 pounds of lamb released the equivalent of 37 pounds of carbon dioxide.

Sheep fart, you understand. They also burp, releasing methane, one of the leading problematic greenhouse gasses. Cows aren't much better, in terms of their digestive habits and gas production. In order to produce 2.2 pounds of beef, the environment has to absorb the equivalent of 35 pounds of CO₂. Kennedy, in an effort to do his part, has sworn off eating his favourite Turkish entree, doner kebabs, because they contain lamb. Vegetables, on the other hand, are far less hazardous; not only do they neither fart nor burp, but, as an example, each 2.2 pounds of tomatoes releases a mere 20 pounds of CO₂.

Britain, by the way, is deadly serious about reducing not only the lamb farts, but the overall carbon footprint of the nation. They're even looking at curtailing beer emissions. Beer not only generates farts and burps, beer production depends on hops and malts and the conversion of vegetative hops and malts into drinkable beer last year apparently generated 1.5% of Britain's greenhouse gases.

Britain is seriously concerned.

Don't laugh; according to one of America's finest, Representative James Sensenbrenner, R-Wisconsin, the ranking member of the House Select Committee for Energy Independence and Global Warming, America is just a few ballots away from what he calls a "cow fart tax."

Just remember, these are duly elected representatives, the embodiment of our tax dollars (and pounds) at work. Greenhouse gases are not a joke, even if these politicians are; the real causes of greenhouse gases aren't farting sheep; it's our excessive use of petroleum based fuels, primarily in our cars. There's a lot we can do as individuals, quite painlessly, to make a significant difference.